Article

I was reading through The Star newspaper one day when i came across this article. Beautifully written.

WEDDING vows, especially that part about ‘Til Death Do Us Part, are serious vows of devotion we make to the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with.

At first glance, it looks like we are exchanging words of undying love but upon further examination, we might see that it carries a lot more significance than that.

We are pledging our love and loyalty not only to our spouses but also to the in-laws and even favourite restaurants and holiday destinations.

Many would say that when we marry our soul mates, we marry their entire family; along with their likes and dislikes, habits and preferences and thoughts and opinions.

Choosing a life partner is not as easy as it sounds. It is little wonder that some couples try to delay making the final commitment, preferring to instead date for long periods of time.

The idea of taking on such a huge responsibility can seem terribly daunting and we could be simply better off co-habiting and producing offspring without ever putting pen to paper a la Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.

Previously, marriage was almost compulsory in many cultures. If a girl was not betrothed by the age of 25, she would be deemed highly unfavourable. Most men, however, are eligible at any age as long as they can provide for a family.

It may seem like a double-standard today but it was the norm when our grandparents were children.

As we entered the 21st century, it became more socially acceptable to choose to never marry. Some couples think it unnecessary to tie the knot as a piece of paper makes little difference to their love and commitment to each other.

However, no matter how open-minded we like to think we are, there is still pressure to set a wedding date if a couple has been going out for many years or if age is catching up.

When I was a teenager, the questions at family gatherings were “So how is school?” Once I graduated they became “How is work going?” followed by “Where is your boyfriend?” or “Are you dating anyone?”

When we were young, we are mostly judged or measured by the grades we received in school. As we enter the workforce, our salaries and positions are details that impress.

Strangely enough, as we grow older, our grades in school or the money we rake in pale in comparison to the all-consuming matter of marriage.

“So, when are you getting married?” is one of the most common questions one will receive between the ages of 25 and 40.

In the Chinese culture, many parents’ greatest fear is that their sons or daughters never meet the love of their life, choose never to settle down or, if they do, marry someone highly unsuitable.

There is still pressure to marry and to marry well. If we have met the “right” person, then the pressure will be more of a pleasure. If we haven’t, well, we have to think up a list of good, witty answers to field off the barrage of questions.

Unfortunately it gets worse, as meeting the person of our dreams will fast turn into a nightmare if we don’t get along with the family.

Many would claim that finding the person of their dreams is like searching for a needle in a haystack. Add the in-laws into the equation and it sounds like a near impossible feat.

How is it then that we see so many couples contentedly married and going on holidays with their in-laws?

A friend said the secret was to let her mother-in-law do what she pleased.

“After she leaves, I would just put things back the way they were and go back to cooking the food that I prefer to eat. It is much easier than fighting with her about everything and losing more than just the argument.” she said.

I am not married, yet I think that as anyone who has had a relationship would know that a good relationship with our partner is more than just luck and chemistry. Similarly, a close bond with our in-laws must be constantly cultivated over time.

We may want many things in life to secure our happiness, but really, all we need is love, fresh air and understanding in-laws.